my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
