Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
