there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
