At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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