just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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