When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
