You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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