I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
