If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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