I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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