I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
