I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
