I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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