You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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