Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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