weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
