one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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