Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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