I am in a vortex of obligation.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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