i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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