I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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