You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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