guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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