remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize