Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
