When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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