Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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