i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
