Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
