I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize