Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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