I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
