I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
