yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
