Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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