she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
