I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
