I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
