We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Girls should come with a carfax report
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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