hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You left your phone here
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