Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's never too late to be topless.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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