if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
