Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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