I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
