is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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