I just made out with a guy for $7.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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