My cat gives me a boner
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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