dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
