it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
