dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
