You just made me feel so damn special
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
even my farts smell like vagina
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize