They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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