im about as happy as oj after his trial
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
