yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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