i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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