So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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