NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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