woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
