In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
