Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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