it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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