Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
