fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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