I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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