When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
