you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
