we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
