Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
