I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I would fuck him just for his dog
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
