You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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