He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
