Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
