Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Randomize
