that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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