the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
