I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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