My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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