Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the day after is always just damage control
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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