That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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