I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
