Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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