omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize