I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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