whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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