So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
try to milk me bitch
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