listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
