so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
