fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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