so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize