I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
