watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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