my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
