went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
