I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
