hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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