I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
