ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I cockslap morals
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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