So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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