I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
