i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
