i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
