I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
