If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
