??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
