whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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