I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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