He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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