How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And then my night got REAL pukey
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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