Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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