I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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