We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
