dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
